It's Been a While...

So...I haven't actively written for this blog in a while. I have another blog (Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train) that sees more action, but this side is for my personal stuff.

Here's something big and personal:
My dad died on Tuesday, August 19, 2014.

He wasn't supposed to die, at least not in my opinion. Clearly, God had a different plan than the rest of us. It was completely sudden and unexpected. He wasn't sick. He was extremely healthy, in fact. When he turned 50, he started going to the doctor often. During one of his checkups, they found pre-cancerous cells that could have led to prostate cancer. Instead, he took aggressive action and beat the cancer before it could beat him. This last Christmas, he shared with the entire family that he was 100% clear of any cancer cells, and his doctor told him he was very healthy for a man his age.

So, then what the what?!? How does a healthy man, only 60 years old, just die? The electricity went out in his heart. It's that simple - cardiac arrest.  According to the American Heart Association, "Cardiac arrest is caused when the heart's electrical system malfunctions." It is not the same as a heart attack...he didn't have heart disease.

The medical professionals said he didn't suffer. Okay. Fine. But I still am having a very hard time understanding this.  I've used a private journal to write out the memories and the feelings, but now I am ready to announce to the blogging world that my dad died. And I am angry about it. I just don't get it. I'm not ready for my dad to gone. I wasn't finished with him.

I'm not ready to share all those other details about the visitation, seeing him for the first time, the funeral, or the other things that have happened since the moment I found out he died...maybe in time.

For now, the world just should know, James "Jim" Harvey Higham, age 60, died at home the afternoon of August 19, 2014. He is survived by his wife, his four children, three children-in-law, and five grandchildren, as well as two sisters, three brothers-in-law, one sister-in-law, two nieces, and one nephew. He is preceded in death by his parents and two grandchildren.

We all miss him greatly.

MY favorite Christmas Stories

So, I happen to know Santa Claus.  He's a pretty cool guy.  He's done some amazing things over the years, and I'd like to share some of them with you.

Kindergarten Christmas in Recovery:
This is not as bad as it sounds.  The year I was in kindergarten, I had tonsillitis.  A lot.  So, I had to have the darn things taken out.  Before Christmas break.  Before the holiday party.  In kindergarten.  I was bummed!  However, in the present exchange, the person who drew my name gave me a coloring book and crayons to have with me in the hospital during my recovery.  It was awesome.  I know that Santa had a hand in making sure my Christmas was wonderful that year.

Christmas in June:
Santa is around all the time, not just at Christmas. One year for my birthday in June, I had one of the most wonderful Christmas experiences a girl with a summer birthday could have – Christmas dinner in June. In Florida. In a restaurant decorated for Christmas all year long. It was a place called The Paw Paw Tree, and my grandfather Higham made a big to-do about it. I was smiling ear-to-ear the entire meal. We had turkey and ham and stuffing and mashed potatoes and pie and apple cider...it was amazing! Since I almost never spent a Christmas with Grandpa Higham, it was a true blessing. That was Santa’s way of reminding all of us that love of family is important.

Santa knows WHERE you are for Christmas:
Santa can find you if he needs to.  One year we were going to be traveling to Ohio to visit my grandparents, and we were worried that Santa wouldn't be able to get us our presents.  We wrote him a letter to let him know, and he came through!  While we were at Sunday School and Church the day before our trip, Santa dropped off our presents early so we could enjoy our family Christmas.

Similarly, another year, Santa managed to find us AT our grandparents' house.  He even managed to put out all the presents under the tree in the living room WHERE WE WERE SLEEPING. Amazing.


Santa sends you what you need, even if it is far away:
I was let go from a job, for the very first time in my life, on December 11, 2007.  I had just financed a vehicle and been proposed to in September that year.  I was planning a wedding, and a future, with JR, and I had no idea if any of it was going to work out.  I was devastated.  I talked with my family often during that time, and my kid brother, with whom I have always had (and will always have) a close, special, different relationship than my sisters, said he would drive up on Christmas day with his daughter Courtney so I could be with family at Christmas.  I was so touched, and excited, and weepy... It's quite a haul from NW Tennessee to Chicagoland...especially in December.  It was late and cold and dark when my brother called to let me know he was close by.  I talked him through the winding road back to my apartment, and I ran down the stairs to grab my brother and niece in a big hug.  What happened instead is pure Christmas magic.  I got to the bottom of the stairs as the truck was pulling up.  Instead of my brother in the driver seat, it was my DAD!  He had made the trip with my brother because he knew I needed him.  That visit made all the difference to me.  I cried and cried when they left a few days later, but I had been able to spend some part of my holiday with family - family who love me so much they sacrificed time together to give me a bright day!

How could I not love Christmas with all these wonderful stories?  There are so many more, but these are the stories that make my heart sing...

The Passing of Time

Three years ago today (well, tonight, really), I entered a new phase of my life.  My dear (then) boyfriend at the time took me to have dinner at one of our favorite restaurants - Aodake Sushi & Hibachi.  I believed we were celebrating the fact that we were meeting some of my family the next day at a half-way point so Mom could hand over her truck to me (I had just purchased it from her).

We had a wonderful dinner, and he was being quite silly...after dinner, we went back to my apartment.  With my roommate out for the night, we were simply watching some television.  At one point, though, and I can't be sure of the details on how this happened, we were both standing in the entry hall.  He was being very shmoopy and loving and letting me know how much he loved me and how happy he was.  It went on for several minutes, maybe an hour, and I was blushing and smiling and crying.  He finally swung me around and asked, "Do you want to surprise your family tomorrow?"  I was very confused, since they KNEW we were meeting them.  He dropped to one knee, pulled out the ring that had been in his pocket throughout dinner, and asked me to be his wife.  I was shocked, amazed, and bursting with love and tears...after a few moments, I looked him in the eye and said, "YES!"

We did surprise my family the next day, and we all celebrated.

Three years ago, JR proposed.  So many things have happened since then, and I am looking forward to what happens next.

A Perfect Thank You / A Night of Reflection

(Copyrighted Image)

My husband, as a thank you for my taking care of him this past week while he has been sick, took me out for sushi and a movie.  He told me the movie was a surprise, and I was honestly scared.  This man once took me to see a "surprise" movie that ended up being Paranormal Activity.  It scared me so much that I was sitting on the edge of the seat rocking back and forth.

This, however, was a wonderful surprise.  After reading one of my recent blogs and its comments, my husband decided to thank me for taking care of him by treating me to a movie I wanted to see...along with about 50 school-age girls and their mothers.  He took me to see Ramona and Beezus.

My heart was overflowing - he had done something wonderful for me, and I felt like it was more than enough to thank me for my taking care of him while he was sick - I feel like that is my responsibility.  His appreciation was awesome.

The movie was wonderful.  All at once, it made me happy to be a wife, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt.

I am Dorothy Quimby (Ramona's mom) - the wife who tries to hold it all together and be supportive even in tough situations, who loves her family very much and tries to take things in stride.

I am Ramona - the daughter who always felt like she was just a clumsy mess, getting in the way of everything, and believing the rest of the family would be better off without her...I learned, over time, that I was an important part of the family, and we all were better because of each other.

I am Beezus - the oldest sister who had to be a grown-up sometimes while she was still young, the sister who had to put up with the annoyances of younger siblings, but who still loved them with her whole heart and would do anything to ensure their happiness.

I am Aunt Bea - the aunt who lets my nieces know that I believe they each hung the moon, who takes each one on a special outing alone, and who takes them all out together whenever I can.  I am the aunt who teaches them the lessons their parents try to teach them by phrasing things the way I know they understand (and they will listen, because I am not their mother).

I laughed and cried and cried and laughed throughout the movie.  It brought back the memories of the Ramona books for me, and the memories of my childhood with my younger siblings...

Go see this movie.  You will not regret it.

A New Addition

The Andersons welcomed a new member to the family today.  Stryker (Ted Stryker Anderson).  We visited him yesterday at the West Suburban Humane Society and put a hold on him to consider it overnight.  I was so excited this morning that I couldn't sit still waiting for the minutes and hours to pass until the shelter was open and we could go see him again!  We played with him for about 20 minutes and realized we were just sure - he was going home with us!  We went inside to the office and took care of the paperwork. 

They brought him out to us, and the whole family jumped in the truck and went to the pet store for a doggie bed, a rope toy (it was his favorite at the shelter, so we got a similar one), food and water dishes, and some other essentials.  The shelter provided us with some food and his medicine (he's currently got a bout of upset tummy, but he's well house trained).  He's micro chipped, neutered, and vaccinated.  We plan on taking him to the vet within the next two weeks to get a thorough check, but he's gorgeous and happy!  Take a look:

(Ted) Stryker Anderson

We have been playing with him most of the day, and we just came home from an awesome 45-minute walk.  He is amazing, and we love him already!  We are all set to go pick up some more things at the pet store and give this gorgeous Brittany/Collie mix the forever home he's always wanted!

The North Woods

JR's dad's family is from Ingram, Wisconsin, in the North woods.  See the tiny red dot?  That probably covers up Ingram and all the surrounding towns.

We try to visit at least once a year.  We went the weekend of July 4th for the family reunion.  It was a blast.  We probably doubled the population of Ingram that weekend, which isn't that difficult.  The registered population is listed at 76.  Yes, seventy-six.  We went up again last weekend for "Ingram Days."  The town celebration is held the first weekend in August each year and boasts a softball tournament, a sand volleyball tournament, a horseshoe tournament, a pie-and-ice-cream sale, chicken and other food stuffs for sale at the ball park, a parade, and various other activities hosted by the town's four bars.  Yes, four bars for 76 people, or one bar for every 19 people.

So, what do we do while we are there besides visit all the bars, have some chicken, watch some sports tournaments, and watch the parade (during which at least one "float" will hand out beer to the bystanders)? 

Well, on an average weekend we spend in Ingram, we will head into nearby Glen Flora to eat a fantastic breakfast at Jae Dee's - fluffy pancakes with locally-made, FRESH maple syrup in squeeze bottles!  We will also head over to Tee-A-Way Golf outside of Ladysmith for nine holes, and we might stop by West Cove Lanes next door for bowling. 

We almost always head into downtown Ladysmith to catch whatever movie they are showing (yes, movie - as in one screen) for $5 each.  We once had to wait for the local Little Miss Rusk County pageant to end before we could see the movie.  Also, during a long movie (2 + hours), the projectionist (who also sells the tickets and the refreshments) will stop the film at the half-way point and announce that we are taking a 15-minute intermission so we may use the facilities and get refills on our drinks.  It's awesome.  Last weekend we saw "Despicable Me."

A trip is not complete without a visit to the Ladysmith Dairy Queen, which by the way is open all year.  On a girls' weekend to Ingram with JR's sisters and some friends in late January, 2008, we all suited up, warmed up the cars for 30 minutes, and headed into town to have some ice cream - it was 37 degrees BELOW zero.  That was good ice cream.

We will usually have a breakfast or a dinner one day out of the weekend at Hilltop Bar and Restaurant.  It's across the street from JR's older sister's summer house, the street being Highway 8.  We will likely have a dinner at Horseshoe Bar, as well - great fish fries on Fridays.  We might grab a burger at Antlers Bar & Tavern for lunch one day, and we like to go to The Bar for karaoke on Saturday nights.

If several family members are in town, we'll have a fire pit at JR's middle sister's summer home roaring into the wee hours while we laugh and talk and sing and act silly all night long.  JR also can't miss a ride on the ATVs.

Overall, the weekends we spend in the North woods are relaxing and fun.  My mom wonders why I can enjoy myself up there so much when I left the farm back in Tennessee kicking and screaming.  I remind her that I still like to come visit home, too - it is very relaxing and fun as well.  Then she reminds me that I said I was going to retire to Ingram one day and asks how I could stand that if I didn't want to live in the country in Tennessee.  I look her square in the eyes and say, "76 people.  Four bars."

The Measurement of Success

With less than 24 hours to go before our first big party in our new house, I walked in the door at 6:30pm Friday night to see that I still had a lot of work to do before a party could be had. A. LOT.

I dug in, and by 1:30am, I was ready for bed. After a shower. The great room (with all the boxes still piled up) was completely unpacked, organized, and decorated. The bedrooms were clean. The basement was clean, and the kitchen was getting there...

I woke up Saturday morning at 7:30 and sprayed some weeds to get my blood pumping. After an awesome bad-for-me breakfast supplied by my sweet husband, we started up again...Made the bed, cleaned up the clothes, scrubbed down the kitchen, vacuumed the basement, sanitized the bathrooms, and swept and Swiffer-wet-jetted the floors.

With one hour till the party, JR was finishing up the shopping and I was jumping into the shower...the first guests arrived promptly at 2:00pm while JR was showering.

People came and went all night - lots of great food, great drinks, great conversation, and many compliments on the house. We feel very lucky to have such great friends and family who could come share the fun of a new house with us.

The success of our housewarming party was measured in the smiles on faces, the hugs and laughter, the conversation always moving, and the completely relaxed feeling I have today as I clean up from all the fun...

For TGJ: I DID do it! Thanks for the motivation, as always!

Woot! When can we have another party???

Being in Sync

My husband and I are in sync. We can be thinking the exact thought at the same time. It’s weird sometimes. For example, on our way up to his family reunion on Friday, I was playing iPod DJ (which is a big honor). I picked out a few songs, and he asked, “You know what would be an awesome next song?” I replied, “Well, I have one picked out, but what would you like to hear?” He gave me the song title, and I gasped as I showed him the highlighted song on the screen...the exact song he wanted to hear. WOW.

Now, some of you might just mark this as coincidence. Some might say it was the next logical song choice, so of course you both picked it. Instead, I say it is because we are perfect for each other. He is absolutely my other half. I do not want to think about a life without him. He is my soul mate. He is my best friend. He is the person who knows me like no other can. He is my rock (and my roll, and my punk, pop, country, soul, blues, etc.). We finish each other's sentences. We say exactly the same thing at the same time. We freak each other out when we have the same idea about something. We laugh at each other when it happens.

I know it seems disgusting. I even find it nauseating at times. We are so shmoopy. We cannot help it. I am madly in love with that man!


During our weekend, I ventured off with JR's older sister and a cousin. We had a fabulous time sharing some drinks and participating in karaoke. Well, I sang while they watched and laughed. That was on night two of the trip, and JR's cousin said to me, "You know, I have learned a couple of things this weekend. You like to have a good time, and you absolutely love JR." I just smiled, nodded, and replied, "Yes. Yes I do. With my whole heart." I meant it for both things. I love to have a good time with my whole heart, and I love my husband with my whole heart. They go hand-in-hand...in sync.

A Poem

May
Your

Days
Always
Dawn

Happily
And
Serenely.

Cherish
All
New
Challenges,
Ever
Ready.

-------------------

I wrote that poem on August 26, 2009. The day after I found out my dad had prostate cancer. The first letter of every word, reading down, was my inspiration for the poem.

My dad has always been a very healthy man. He worked a full-time,manual-labor job for 35 years. He worked on his farm and yard in his "spare" time. He drank a lot of water and no booze. He like ice cream and candy and salty foods, and those were his only weaknesses as far as I remember.

He started going to the doctor in his late 40's/early 50's for regular "I'm not getting any younger" visits. He had a physical, and he did learn he needed to cut down on salt...his sugars, however, were fine. Go figure. The man eats ice cream and candy like it's going out of style, and his sugars are normal. I wish I could say that. His blood pressure was a bit out of whack, but he is treating it medication and seems to be controlled. He goes in for his regular visits, and his visit last fall showed something a little not normal.

Thirty-five years...

Wow. I remember when my dad turned 30. He had a wife, four kids, a house, two cars, and a career in a tire factory... He felt old, and my mom threw him a surprise party to which all the guests brought gag gifts like denture cream and "old people" vitamins and such...I thought it was so funny 'cause "Daddy was old!" Yep.

When I turned 30 five years ago, the memory of dad's birthday was bittersweet. I realized my dad was NOT old when he turned 30. He's not old now! I realized that I was still in an apartment, not married, no kids...but I had a college degree and a office-job career. My dad celebrated his 30th birthday with friends and family at our house; I celebrated my 30th birthday on Bourbon Street in NOLA with my boyfriend (now husband).

I've come a long way in 35 years...and I still have a long way to go.

Here's to all the 35-year-old girls who just aren't ready to be grown-ups yet...