It's Been a While...

So...I haven't actively written for this blog in a while. I have another blog (Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train) that sees more action, but this side is for my personal stuff.

Here's something big and personal:
My dad died on Tuesday, August 19, 2014.

He wasn't supposed to die, at least not in my opinion. Clearly, God had a different plan than the rest of us. It was completely sudden and unexpected. He wasn't sick. He was extremely healthy, in fact. When he turned 50, he started going to the doctor often. During one of his checkups, they found pre-cancerous cells that could have led to prostate cancer. Instead, he took aggressive action and beat the cancer before it could beat him. This last Christmas, he shared with the entire family that he was 100% clear of any cancer cells, and his doctor told him he was very healthy for a man his age.

So, then what the what?!? How does a healthy man, only 60 years old, just die? The electricity went out in his heart. It's that simple - cardiac arrest.  According to the American Heart Association, "Cardiac arrest is caused when the heart's electrical system malfunctions." It is not the same as a heart attack...he didn't have heart disease.

The medical professionals said he didn't suffer. Okay. Fine. But I still am having a very hard time understanding this.  I've used a private journal to write out the memories and the feelings, but now I am ready to announce to the blogging world that my dad died. And I am angry about it. I just don't get it. I'm not ready for my dad to gone. I wasn't finished with him.

I'm not ready to share all those other details about the visitation, seeing him for the first time, the funeral, or the other things that have happened since the moment I found out he died...maybe in time.

For now, the world just should know, James "Jim" Harvey Higham, age 60, died at home the afternoon of August 19, 2014. He is survived by his wife, his four children, three children-in-law, and five grandchildren, as well as two sisters, three brothers-in-law, one sister-in-law, two nieces, and one nephew. He is preceded in death by his parents and two grandchildren.

We all miss him greatly.

MY favorite Christmas Stories

So, I happen to know Santa Claus.  He's a pretty cool guy.  He's done some amazing things over the years, and I'd like to share some of them with you.

Kindergarten Christmas in Recovery:
This is not as bad as it sounds.  The year I was in kindergarten, I had tonsillitis.  A lot.  So, I had to have the darn things taken out.  Before Christmas break.  Before the holiday party.  In kindergarten.  I was bummed!  However, in the present exchange, the person who drew my name gave me a coloring book and crayons to have with me in the hospital during my recovery.  It was awesome.  I know that Santa had a hand in making sure my Christmas was wonderful that year.

Christmas in June:
Santa is around all the time, not just at Christmas. One year for my birthday in June, I had one of the most wonderful Christmas experiences a girl with a summer birthday could have – Christmas dinner in June. In Florida. In a restaurant decorated for Christmas all year long. It was a place called The Paw Paw Tree, and my grandfather Higham made a big to-do about it. I was smiling ear-to-ear the entire meal. We had turkey and ham and stuffing and mashed potatoes and pie and apple cider...it was amazing! Since I almost never spent a Christmas with Grandpa Higham, it was a true blessing. That was Santa’s way of reminding all of us that love of family is important.

Santa knows WHERE you are for Christmas:
Santa can find you if he needs to.  One year we were going to be traveling to Ohio to visit my grandparents, and we were worried that Santa wouldn't be able to get us our presents.  We wrote him a letter to let him know, and he came through!  While we were at Sunday School and Church the day before our trip, Santa dropped off our presents early so we could enjoy our family Christmas.

Similarly, another year, Santa managed to find us AT our grandparents' house.  He even managed to put out all the presents under the tree in the living room WHERE WE WERE SLEEPING. Amazing.


Santa sends you what you need, even if it is far away:
I was let go from a job, for the very first time in my life, on December 11, 2007.  I had just financed a vehicle and been proposed to in September that year.  I was planning a wedding, and a future, with JR, and I had no idea if any of it was going to work out.  I was devastated.  I talked with my family often during that time, and my kid brother, with whom I have always had (and will always have) a close, special, different relationship than my sisters, said he would drive up on Christmas day with his daughter Courtney so I could be with family at Christmas.  I was so touched, and excited, and weepy... It's quite a haul from NW Tennessee to Chicagoland...especially in December.  It was late and cold and dark when my brother called to let me know he was close by.  I talked him through the winding road back to my apartment, and I ran down the stairs to grab my brother and niece in a big hug.  What happened instead is pure Christmas magic.  I got to the bottom of the stairs as the truck was pulling up.  Instead of my brother in the driver seat, it was my DAD!  He had made the trip with my brother because he knew I needed him.  That visit made all the difference to me.  I cried and cried when they left a few days later, but I had been able to spend some part of my holiday with family - family who love me so much they sacrificed time together to give me a bright day!

How could I not love Christmas with all these wonderful stories?  There are so many more, but these are the stories that make my heart sing...

A Poem

May
Your

Days
Always
Dawn

Happily
And
Serenely.

Cherish
All
New
Challenges,
Ever
Ready.

-------------------

I wrote that poem on August 26, 2009. The day after I found out my dad had prostate cancer. The first letter of every word, reading down, was my inspiration for the poem.

My dad has always been a very healthy man. He worked a full-time,manual-labor job for 35 years. He worked on his farm and yard in his "spare" time. He drank a lot of water and no booze. He like ice cream and candy and salty foods, and those were his only weaknesses as far as I remember.

He started going to the doctor in his late 40's/early 50's for regular "I'm not getting any younger" visits. He had a physical, and he did learn he needed to cut down on salt...his sugars, however, were fine. Go figure. The man eats ice cream and candy like it's going out of style, and his sugars are normal. I wish I could say that. His blood pressure was a bit out of whack, but he is treating it medication and seems to be controlled. He goes in for his regular visits, and his visit last fall showed something a little not normal.

Thirty-five years...

Wow. I remember when my dad turned 30. He had a wife, four kids, a house, two cars, and a career in a tire factory... He felt old, and my mom threw him a surprise party to which all the guests brought gag gifts like denture cream and "old people" vitamins and such...I thought it was so funny 'cause "Daddy was old!" Yep.

When I turned 30 five years ago, the memory of dad's birthday was bittersweet. I realized my dad was NOT old when he turned 30. He's not old now! I realized that I was still in an apartment, not married, no kids...but I had a college degree and a office-job career. My dad celebrated his 30th birthday with friends and family at our house; I celebrated my 30th birthday on Bourbon Street in NOLA with my boyfriend (now husband).

I've come a long way in 35 years...and I still have a long way to go.

Here's to all the 35-year-old girls who just aren't ready to be grown-ups yet...