It's Been a While...

So...I haven't actively written for this blog in a while. I have another blog (Sarcastic Thoughts on the Late Train) that sees more action, but this side is for my personal stuff.

Here's something big and personal:
My dad died on Tuesday, August 19, 2014.

He wasn't supposed to die, at least not in my opinion. Clearly, God had a different plan than the rest of us. It was completely sudden and unexpected. He wasn't sick. He was extremely healthy, in fact. When he turned 50, he started going to the doctor often. During one of his checkups, they found pre-cancerous cells that could have led to prostate cancer. Instead, he took aggressive action and beat the cancer before it could beat him. This last Christmas, he shared with the entire family that he was 100% clear of any cancer cells, and his doctor told him he was very healthy for a man his age.

So, then what the what?!? How does a healthy man, only 60 years old, just die? The electricity went out in his heart. It's that simple - cardiac arrest.  According to the American Heart Association, "Cardiac arrest is caused when the heart's electrical system malfunctions." It is not the same as a heart attack...he didn't have heart disease.

The medical professionals said he didn't suffer. Okay. Fine. But I still am having a very hard time understanding this.  I've used a private journal to write out the memories and the feelings, but now I am ready to announce to the blogging world that my dad died. And I am angry about it. I just don't get it. I'm not ready for my dad to gone. I wasn't finished with him.

I'm not ready to share all those other details about the visitation, seeing him for the first time, the funeral, or the other things that have happened since the moment I found out he died...maybe in time.

For now, the world just should know, James "Jim" Harvey Higham, age 60, died at home the afternoon of August 19, 2014. He is survived by his wife, his four children, three children-in-law, and five grandchildren, as well as two sisters, three brothers-in-law, one sister-in-law, two nieces, and one nephew. He is preceded in death by his parents and two grandchildren.

We all miss him greatly.

A Perfect Thank You / A Night of Reflection

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My husband, as a thank you for my taking care of him this past week while he has been sick, took me out for sushi and a movie.  He told me the movie was a surprise, and I was honestly scared.  This man once took me to see a "surprise" movie that ended up being Paranormal Activity.  It scared me so much that I was sitting on the edge of the seat rocking back and forth.

This, however, was a wonderful surprise.  After reading one of my recent blogs and its comments, my husband decided to thank me for taking care of him by treating me to a movie I wanted to see...along with about 50 school-age girls and their mothers.  He took me to see Ramona and Beezus.

My heart was overflowing - he had done something wonderful for me, and I felt like it was more than enough to thank me for my taking care of him while he was sick - I feel like that is my responsibility.  His appreciation was awesome.

The movie was wonderful.  All at once, it made me happy to be a wife, a daughter, a sister, and an aunt.

I am Dorothy Quimby (Ramona's mom) - the wife who tries to hold it all together and be supportive even in tough situations, who loves her family very much and tries to take things in stride.

I am Ramona - the daughter who always felt like she was just a clumsy mess, getting in the way of everything, and believing the rest of the family would be better off without her...I learned, over time, that I was an important part of the family, and we all were better because of each other.

I am Beezus - the oldest sister who had to be a grown-up sometimes while she was still young, the sister who had to put up with the annoyances of younger siblings, but who still loved them with her whole heart and would do anything to ensure their happiness.

I am Aunt Bea - the aunt who lets my nieces know that I believe they each hung the moon, who takes each one on a special outing alone, and who takes them all out together whenever I can.  I am the aunt who teaches them the lessons their parents try to teach them by phrasing things the way I know they understand (and they will listen, because I am not their mother).

I laughed and cried and cried and laughed throughout the movie.  It brought back the memories of the Ramona books for me, and the memories of my childhood with my younger siblings...

Go see this movie.  You will not regret it.

Thirty-five years...

Wow. I remember when my dad turned 30. He had a wife, four kids, a house, two cars, and a career in a tire factory... He felt old, and my mom threw him a surprise party to which all the guests brought gag gifts like denture cream and "old people" vitamins and such...I thought it was so funny 'cause "Daddy was old!" Yep.

When I turned 30 five years ago, the memory of dad's birthday was bittersweet. I realized my dad was NOT old when he turned 30. He's not old now! I realized that I was still in an apartment, not married, no kids...but I had a college degree and a office-job career. My dad celebrated his 30th birthday with friends and family at our house; I celebrated my 30th birthday on Bourbon Street in NOLA with my boyfriend (now husband).

I've come a long way in 35 years...and I still have a long way to go.

Here's to all the 35-year-old girls who just aren't ready to be grown-ups yet...

Reading Makes Me Happy

I have a degree in English, with an emphasis in writing. I took several different types of writing classes because I didn't want to chain myself down to one genre. Business writing, novels, short stories, poetry, research writing, and technical writing were among the many different classes. I think because of the varied writing styles I studied I am drawn to many different genres for my reading as well.

When we moved into our new house, the first book I could find not packed away was Grave Secrets by Kathy Reichs (the Temperance Brennan series from which the t.v. show Bones is derived). It is an intense novel with lots of intrigue, suspense, horrific real atrocities, and even some hot romance.

My fabulous husband JR gave me the book as a gift a while ago, and I read a chapter or two before I became too busy to sit down and finish it. With the new house, I decided to designate a place to read and devote just a little time each week. Having finished that first book (very proudly in only a few weeks), I was eager to pick up another.

Sticking with the plan of finding whatever was the easiest book to get to (since the book cases and boxes and boxes of books are not yet completely unpacked), I reached in and pulled out Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery. Having watched the mini-series long ago and reading the books as a child, I find this re-reading quite fulfilling.

It is a new experience to read a childhood book as an adult. The stories mean something completely different. I see things in the characters I never realized existed before. My own life experiences relate in new ways to the development of the story.

I am about one-third of my way through Anne of Green Gables. I wonder what magnificent find I will pull out the box next...