Recurring Nightmares

When I was young I had a recurring nightmare...it lasted for many years, and occasionally it will pop up again. It never changes. I can never keep it going, I can never stop it before it ends, and I can never manipulate it in any way.

That is different than some other recurring dreams I have. I have been able to start a dream again the night after the initial sequence so I can see the outcome. I can change somethings in a dream when I have it a second time. I dream in color. I can read in my dreams. I can have different points of view in my dreams. Some people claim those things are not possible. I disagree.

My childhood recurring nightmare goes a little something like this:

My family is going camping. I am very young...only my parents and my middle sister and I are in the dream, so my brother and youngest sister were not yet born. We have the tent set up, a campfire ready to go, and fishing poles set out. My dad has a conversation with the troll who lives in the zip-up window in the tent. Yep. A troll...we live amicably with the troll. My dad reminds him that the rule is, "We do not bother you; you do not bother us." Mom is staying behind to organize things and get the campfire started so that when Dad, Teresa, and I get back from fishing we can cook up the catch.

When the three of us traipse back to the campsite, I notice something weird. Mom is picking up some bread, and she has a blank expression with glassy eyes. I ask, "What's wrong?" "Nothing, Dear. Everything is fine. Just fine," she replies while slowly putting the bread on a paper plate and reaching for the butter knife. I freak out when I realize that is no butter knife. That is the troll from the tent window! He has transformed himself into the butter knife and put Mom in a trance! I scream it at the top of my lungs, "That is not a knife Mommy! That is the troll! Don't touch it!" She replies, "Everything is fine Dear. Nothing to worry about," in a sing-songy manner. She reaches for the knife, and I WAKE UP!

Every time. That is the point at which I am jerked awake. I have tried a hundred times to see the rest of the dream, to change the outcome, to get rid of the troll... he haunts me, and I have no idea where that dream came from.

Answers from God

You don't always get the answer you want, and you don't always get an answer WHEN you want it. However, God always does answer your heart-felt prayers.

Think back on your youth when you thought life was hard. What did you pray for? People at school be your friend? The cute boy to ask you out? Good grades? A new bike or car?

What did you get? Not then...but since. What prayers from your youth have been answered SINCE your youth.

I wanted people in school to like me. I was awkward and nerdy and what I call a "floater." I could talk with any clique, but I only had a few really close friends. Over time, however, I have built relationships with new people, grown as a person, and seen how others from my past have grown and redeveloped relationships. I thank God for inspiring facebook so that I can enjoy new-found friendships with long-ago acquaintances and classmates.

I wanted the cute boy to ask me out...Sometimes when the cute boy asked me out, his personality wasn't that cute. My prayers for a life-long companion changed so many times...God was giving me the opportunity to really understand for myself what it was I wanted in a spouse. He helped weed out all the close-but-not-quite-right fellas. Some of them were great guys; they just weren't for me. It may have taken me almost 30 years to meet my forever, but I can't imagine that there is anyone else in the world who is a more perfect match for me. We share a bond in God, which is something I honestly was never really looking for (until God sent him to me).

I always prayed for good grades, and most of the time I got them. College was harder, but that made me work harder to get the grades. God pushed me and gave me a drive that holds true now - I work hard for what I get.

Oh man, did I want a car...I drove my dad's 1977 Bronco in high school, complete with a gun rack in the back window (we all had gun racks...). I called her "Baby," and she was good to me. I really wanted my own car, though...I've had a number of my own cars now, and I worked hard for them, as well. And you know what? All that hard work gave me the strength to get bigger things, like our new house!

God helped me by pushing me in the right direction. He let me fail occasionally so I would understand and value hard work and real love and lasting relationships. He may not answer my prayers when I want or give the answer I am looking for, but He is always there.