Recurring Nightmares

When I was young I had a recurring nightmare...it lasted for many years, and occasionally it will pop up again. It never changes. I can never keep it going, I can never stop it before it ends, and I can never manipulate it in any way.

That is different than some other recurring dreams I have. I have been able to start a dream again the night after the initial sequence so I can see the outcome. I can change somethings in a dream when I have it a second time. I dream in color. I can read in my dreams. I can have different points of view in my dreams. Some people claim those things are not possible. I disagree.

My childhood recurring nightmare goes a little something like this:

My family is going camping. I am very young...only my parents and my middle sister and I are in the dream, so my brother and youngest sister were not yet born. We have the tent set up, a campfire ready to go, and fishing poles set out. My dad has a conversation with the troll who lives in the zip-up window in the tent. Yep. A troll...we live amicably with the troll. My dad reminds him that the rule is, "We do not bother you; you do not bother us." Mom is staying behind to organize things and get the campfire started so that when Dad, Teresa, and I get back from fishing we can cook up the catch.

When the three of us traipse back to the campsite, I notice something weird. Mom is picking up some bread, and she has a blank expression with glassy eyes. I ask, "What's wrong?" "Nothing, Dear. Everything is fine. Just fine," she replies while slowly putting the bread on a paper plate and reaching for the butter knife. I freak out when I realize that is no butter knife. That is the troll from the tent window! He has transformed himself into the butter knife and put Mom in a trance! I scream it at the top of my lungs, "That is not a knife Mommy! That is the troll! Don't touch it!" She replies, "Everything is fine Dear. Nothing to worry about," in a sing-songy manner. She reaches for the knife, and I WAKE UP!

Every time. That is the point at which I am jerked awake. I have tried a hundred times to see the rest of the dream, to change the outcome, to get rid of the troll... he haunts me, and I have no idea where that dream came from.